Do you ever feel like you’re reliving the same emotional struggles over and over? Do you wonder why certain patterns keep repeating in your relationships, or why self-doubt and guilt seem to follow you wherever you go? If you grew up in an alcoholic family, you’re not imagining things. The emotional wounds caused by growing up with an alcoholic parent run deep, and they can manifest in adulthood in ways you might not even realize.
Many adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs) struggle with unresolved emotions from their childhoods, carrying with them feelings of shame, guilt, and confusion. This emotional baggage doesn’t just disappear when you move out of your childhood home or start your own family. Instead, it seeps into every area of your life, affecting your self-esteem, your ability to trust others, and your sense of control over your own life.
But there is hope. Healing from alcoholism’s impact is possible, and while the process takes time and effort, breaking the cycle of dysfunction can lead to a healthier, happier life. This article will explore how adult children of alcoholics can begin to heal their emotional wounds, with insights from Adult Children of Alcoholics: A Self-Help Handbook by Dr. Nada Mirnik Trtnik.
The Invisible Wounds of Alcoholic Families
Growing up in an alcoholic family often means living in chaos, unpredictability, and emotional neglect. As a child, you may have had to take on responsibilities far beyond your years, stepping into the role of caregiver for siblings or even your parents. The emotional wounds that develop in these environments are invisible but powerful, shaping how you view yourself and the world around you.
Noemi’s story in Adult Children of Alcoholics: A Self-Help Handbook illustrates this perfectly. Her father was not the stereotypical “drunk,” but his daily visits to the local bar left her feeling abandoned and disconnected. He would return home late, smelling of alcohol, his moods unpredictable. Noemi grew up feeling like her needs didn’t matter. Her emotional landscape was shaped by uncertainty, where love and attention were inconsistently given and often withheld.
As an adult, Noemi struggled to maintain healthy relationships. She often found herself in relationships with emotionally unavailable partners, unable to express her needs, and constantly trying to “fix” others. It wasn’t until she recognized the patterns from her childhood that she began to heal. Noemi’s journey shows how the unresolved emotional wounds from an alcoholic parent can follow you into adulthood, affecting every aspect of your life—from relationships to self-worth.
Recognizing the Patterns in Your Own Life
One of the first steps toward healing is recognizing the emotional and behavioral patterns you’ve carried into adulthood. Many ACOAs find themselves repeating the same dysfunctional relationships or engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors without fully understanding why. The survival mechanisms you developed as a child—whether it was people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, or emotional numbing—served you in a chaotic household, but as an adult, these behaviors can limit your ability to live a fulfilling life.
Dr. Nada Mirnik Trtnik explains that adult children of alcoholics often struggle with issues like perfectionism, harsh self-criticism, and a deep-seated fear of abandonment. These patterns emerge because, as children, ACOAs were often made to feel responsible for their parent’s happiness, behavior, or well-being. It becomes almost instinctual to put others’ needs ahead of your own.
Noemi, for example, found herself constantly trying to solve her partner’s problems while neglecting her own emotional needs. This pattern was a direct result of her childhood experiences, where she had to manage her father’s moods and behaviors to maintain peace in the household. Her healing journey began when she recognized this pattern and started focusing on her own emotional well-being instead of trying to “fix” others.
Healing From Emotional Wounds
The healing process for adult children of alcoholics involves several key steps. The first and perhaps most crucial is to understand that you are not to blame for the chaos of your childhood. This sense of personal responsibility, often deeply ingrained, can make you feel like you’re always on the verge of failing, or that you must constantly be on guard to prevent things from going wrong.
Dr. Trtnik emphasizes the importance of self-compassion in the healing process. Many ACOAs grew up in environments where mistakes were harshly judged and emotions were ignored or ridiculed. As adults, this can translate into a relentless inner critic, constantly pushing you to do more, be more, and never show weakness. But healing comes from learning to treat yourself with the kindness and understanding that may have been absent in your childhood.
Therapy and support groups for ACOAs can be invaluable tools in the healing process. Whether you’re working one-on-one with a therapist or attending a group where you can connect with others who’ve had similar experiences, sharing your story and hearing others’ can be incredibly therapeutic. For many adult children of alcoholics, simply knowing that they’re not alone can be a powerful first step toward recovery.
Noemi found that attending therapy and participating in group sessions allowed her to not only unpack the layers of her childhood trauma but also develop healthier coping mechanisms. By working with a therapist, she learned how to express her needs, set boundaries, and cultivate self-compassion—skills that were foreign to her growing up in an alcoholic household.
Rewriting Your Story
Healing from emotional wounds is not about erasing the past but about rewriting your story. You don’t have to be defined by the pain and dysfunction of your upbringing. With awareness, support, and a commitment to change, you can break the cycle of emotional turmoil that has followed you into adulthood.
This process involves learning how to set boundaries, prioritize your own well-being, and develop healthy relationships. It also means letting go of the guilt and shame that many adult children of alcoholics carry with them. You are not responsible for your parent’s behavior, nor are you obligated to live in the shadow of their choices.
Dr. Trtnik’s book offers practical tools and exercises to help you on this journey. Through mindfulness, self-reflection, and guided exercises, Adult Children of Alcoholics: A Self-Help Handbook gives you the resources you need to begin healing and reclaiming your life.
Conclusion: You Can Heal
The journey to healing from the emotional wounds of growing up in an alcoholic family is not easy, but it is possible. Noemi’s story—and the stories of countless others—shows that with the right tools, you can break the cycle of dysfunction and build a life that is emotionally healthy, fulfilling, and free from the patterns of your past.
If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, consider picking up a copy of Adult Children of Alcoholics: A Self-Help Handbook. It’s more than just a book; it’s a guide to reclaiming your life. You don’t have to go through this journey alone. Therapy can also be a valuable resource, offering personalized guidance to help you process your emotions and develop healthier patterns.
Start your journey today by purchasing the book or reaching out for individual therapy. Your path to emotional freedom and recovery from the impact of alcoholic parents is waiting.
Dr. Nada Mirnik Trtnik, Psychotherapist, Marriage and Family Therapist
